Cut the Shit

The Brokeback Effect

***Spoiler Alert***

You just KNEW that I was going to have to address this movie at some point. What you didn’t know is that I hated it with every fiber of my being. It’s just that…SIKE! How could I have possibly hated it? Don’t be so gullible and foolish.

Paul and I went to see Brokeback Mountain on, appropriately enough, Valentine’s Day. We were both up really late the night before partying with all of his friends and decided to take the next day as low key as possible. This entailed a nice lunch and a viewing of the most talked about movie since, well…forever.

The movie itself was visually stunning, with rolling landscapes and absolutely perfect production design. Seeing it up on the big screen made the grandiose nature of it all just pop out of the pastures and right into your face. This section of Wyoming can be seen as poor and rugged, but seeing the details of the rippling water and the fluffy white clouds rolling by…it was almost too breathtaking to capture in words.

When Heath Ledger’s “Ennis” and Jake Gyllenhaal’s “Jack” first meet each other, you can feel the tension between them almost immediately. Jack’s interest in Ennis happened as soon as he laid eyes on him. There was a strong ethereal connection that floated in the air above them and as an audience member, I immediately started to grow uncomfortable by how real and honest these feelings were represented. So gritty and basic, yet so strongly the truth.

As most everyone knows at this point, Jack and Ennis are in charge of herding cattle from one location to another and must spend the summer with no contact to the outside world. They sleep on different parts of the mountain and only meet up for breakfast and dinner. Even when they do reconvene, the conversation is strained and the intensity of their lives is amplified by the deafening silence between them.

It was about 45 minutes into the movie when I had to make a choice: either disconnect emotionally or allow the movie to rip my guts out and slap me in the face with them. I chose the easy way out, while Paul confronted his feelings head on. But then again, it’s been a long time since I’ve been ashamed of my sexuality and for Paul it’s still pretty fresh.

The story takes an immediate and almost improbable sharp turn when you least expect it. Jack and Ennis get drunk together and Ennis decides to sleep outside Jack’s tent, rather than make the trek back to the sheep. As fate would have it, a snowstorm blows in and in order to maintain warmth, both men need to huddle together in the smallest pup tent in Wyoming. It’s at this moment that Jack reaches behind him, grab’s Ennis’s hand and pulls him into the spooning position. Within seconds, they’re having the angriest, most passionate, emotionally driven sex that any two male cowboys could engage in. It wasn’t exactly beautiful, but it was definitely powerful and devastating.

As the movie continues, both men are separated by their otherwise heterosexual lives and the heartache is only punctuated by the brief moments of excitement they feel when they are reunited on random “fishing” trips. It’s with each hug that you can almost taste the power of their love. When Ennis is chain smoking and chugging beer in anticipation of Jack’s first arrival, I thought “I’ve been there. I’ve felt that way.” And I hated myself for ever feeling that lost and desperate.

Both men get married and have kids and both men are stuck in loveless and embarrassing relationships. You end up feeling mostly bad for Jack since he is the one that wants to accept his sexuality and to create a semi-normal life for himself. It’s Ennis who holds him back and it’s ultimately Ennis who suffers the worst of the heartbreak.

As those who have seen the movie know, Jack ends up dying towards the end of the movie. Ang Lee decided to go the route of gay bashing, although the short story that this movie is based on, doesn’t explain it in that way. From the multiple articles I’ve read about the movie since seeing it, this was a choice that the screenwriter and director made and for me, with Ennis’s background, it was an adequate and appropriate decision to make.

When we walked out of the theater, I felt completely dead inside. How awful is it to have to hide who you truly are? How heartbreaking is it to be forced to stay away from someone you love, for fear that you will be harassed, ridiculed, and in many cases, murdered? And then there’s the women in these men’s lives, who did nothing, but love them, support them, and give them children. Why should they be forced to deal with this kind of hurt as well?

Paul cried for hours about this movie – in fact, he started to cry again on Sunday when we were walking around the West Village. It’s a movie that resonates deeply with those who still can’t find a way to love themselves for who they are. For me, it’s a movie that makes me more angry, then sad. It makes me furious that we live in a society that teaches and breeds hate. Why, in God’s (yes, God’s) name would anyone think they have the right or the power to decide who is acceptable to love? Really…why? I’m not a man of violence, but this issue brings out that side of me. If I had the opportunity, I would drive out to Middle America and just start putting bullets in the heads of these close-minded bigots.

Is it extreme to feel that way? Or is it just us gays finally fighting for the right that so many of you take for granted?

At the end of the movie when Ennis is standing in front of the mirror, looking at Jack’s shirt, tears filled his eyes. He realized at that moment that his chance of making things right with Jack were lost. He realized that by allowing other people to decide what love means to him, he blew his one chance at having a life filled with happiness and joy; a life filled with true love and fulfillment.

It’s not easy to be a gay man in today’s society, but it’s also not as difficult as it once was. There are areas in this country where you can live and thrive as a homosexual; just make sure you stick on the East and West coasts. I can only hope that the next generation, our hope for the future, will eventually put an end to this type of acceptable hatred. We are AMERICA after all and people come here from all over the world to have a chance at a happy and free life.

Clearly I believe that Brokeback Mountain should sweep the Oscars. Clearly, Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal and Michelle Williams deserve all of the accolades they’ve received for their work in this movie. But I would also be just as happy if Ang Lee (director of the atrocious Hulk) was the only one to walk away with a statue. It was his vision, his sensitivity and his courage that enabled this process to come to its most honest conclusion. I am in awe of his bravery and talent. And I am grateful. So grateful that this movie was made as delicately and as beautifully as it was. So grateful that I have this movie as a reminder of where I’ve been and where I’m going. And justly so, it will serve as a reminder for everyone, whether gay or straight.

It’s about time that all people realize the pain that gay men like myself go through on an almost daily basis. And it’s about time that the jokes, the stereotypes, and the hate are demolished. It’s just not funny. And aside from it being base and lacking in creativity, it has the power to cause tragedy.

Tragedy that most of you will never fully understand. And for that, you're lucky.